DO NOT FORWARD (DO)
PROOF I
SURVIVED
ANOTHER YEAR.
JO
AN ANNUAL REPORT
1 Findings are self-reported. Methodology was vibes. Sample size: one very tired person.
30
YEARS SURVIVED
∞
QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS
100%
STILL HOT
SOUND ADVISED ✱
YEAR IN REVIEW ✱ NO NOTES ✱ ONE (1) SURVIVOR ✱ STILL FIGURING IT OUT ✱ BRING NOTHING ✱ YEAR IN REVIEW ✱ NO NOTES ✱ ONE (1) SURVIVOR ✱ STILL FIGURING IT OUT ✱ BRING NOTHING ✱YEAR IN REVIEW ✱ NO NOTES ✱ ONE (1) SURVIVOR ✱ STILL FIGURING IT OUT ✱ BRING NOTHING ✱ YEAR IN REVIEW ✱ NO NOTES ✱ ONE (1) SURVIVOR ✱ STILL FIGURING IT OUT ✱ BRING NOTHING ✱
YEAR IN REVIEW
SECTION 01 / THREE FINDINGS, ONE CONCLUSION
FINDING 01
BEST DECISION
QUIT THE JOB WITH THE FREE SNACKS AND THE FREE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE.
2 Peer-reviewed by three group chats. Approved unanimously.
FINDING 02
WORST DECISION
TEXTED BACK. TWICE. AT 03:41.
3 Redacted from the printed edition. Not from memory.
FINDING 03
CURRENT STATUS
STILL FIGURING IT OUT.
SO WE'RE CELEBRATING.
SECTION 02 / THE INVITATION
JO
IS TURNING 30
DATE
SATURDAY, OCT 17
TIME
21:00 — LATE
LOCATION
THE BACK ROOM, 44 CANAL ST.
4 No gifts. No speeches. No balloons. If you bring a balloon it will be audited.